santa jokes

Santa asks: Who r u?

Wife: How dare u forget ur wife?

Santa: Nasha har gam ko bhula deta hai




Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto,

Banta asks: Y r u removing a wheel from ur auto?

Santa: Can't u read 'Parking for two wheelers only'




Santa: Doctor, ye phulon ki mala kis ke liye?

Doctor: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nahi to tumhare liye.




Santa: Doc saab, mein Chashma laga ke pad to sakoonga?

Doc: Haan, bilkul.

Santa: To phir theek hai doc saab varna Anpad aadmi ki zindagi bhi koi zindagi hai.




Santa: Raat film main ek chudail kabhi mere aage, khabhi mere peechhe ghoom rahi thi...

Jeeto: Koun si film thi ?

Santa: Apni shaadi ki movie thi !




Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA




Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.

Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?

Santa: I'm falling in love.




Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?

Santa: Suicide karne ke liye

Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?

Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye





Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets

Jeeto: Why 3?

Santa: For you and your parents




Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.

Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.




Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?

Santa: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am




A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein

Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.




At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!

Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?




In an interview,

Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?

Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. ....

Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.

Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...





Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got irritated...

drank poison & said,

Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!




Captain of Military: Naujawanon aage bado Santa aage nahin bada

Captain: Tum aage kyun nahin bade?

Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawanon aage bado, mein 10ve number pe tha




Banta: Yaar teri wife ki maut ka bara afsos hua, vaise hua kya tha?

Santa: Goli lagi thi mathe main.

Banta: Waheguru ji ka shukar kar ke aankh bach gayi.




Santa apni khoobsurat Bibi k saath car mein baitha. Driver ne sheesha set kiya.

Santa gusse mein bola, meri bibi ko dekhkta hai, piche baith, car mein chalaoonga!




Santa: tainu Sunny Deol da phone no pata hai...?

Banta: Nahin, kyon ki hoya?

Santa: Yaaar asi Nalka patauna si.





Banta: U cheated me.

Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.

Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India Radio!




Sadhu: Bachcha teri biwi ko chuddail chipak gayee hai. Upaaye karvaao.

Banta: Upayaye? Baba, agar do behenein gale mil rahi hain to is mein harz hi kya hai ?




Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?

Santa: Tipu's skeleton.

Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?

Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child




Napoleon: There is no such word as 'Impossible' in my dictionary.

Santa: To dictionary dekh kar kharidni thi ...!




Santa: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga.

Jeeto: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?

Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai




Banta: Yeh AUTOMATICALLY kya hota hai?

Santa: Oye tujhe yeh bhi nahin pata, Jab auto mein koi ganji ladki ja rahi ho to use kehte hain AUTO-ME-TAKLI




Santa was riding on a horse. He jumped the red light & a cop whistles.

Santa lifts the tail of horse & says: 'Le Karle Number Note'




Banta: Oye, tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?

Santa: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.




Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.

Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.
Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.

Santa: Who r u? Girl: Seeta here.

Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya




Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.

The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?

Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?




Q: Why did Santa take his pregnant wife Jeeto to Pizza Hut? A:

Because they advertised: 'Free Delivery'